Planes, Trains and AutoOrdeals

So it turns out travelling in a Typhoon isn’t the most relaxing of experiences nor is it the dryest, shocking I know. Georgina and I were travelling down to beautiful Guilin and Yangshuo in the Southwest of China, Guilin is particularly famous for it’s scenery; which is so beautiful it’s on the back of the 20RMB note. 

We were making the most of our Golden Week , a week in October around National Day (1st October) were all of China gets a week holiday. Now just why anyone would think it’s a sensible idea to give 1.3 billion people the same week for a holiday is beyond me. It clogs up every form of transport, hotel and tourist attraction and means that prices get cranked up in every tourist destination. However we were not going to miss this opportunity to travel a bit further field. So the week before we got our act together and finally booked it, we plumped for the train there and a flight back,(we weren’t on it enough to get a train back, which had sold out in the 18 hours between us looking and us actually booking). I was wary of booking early and then reaching the station early thanks to my Tianjin adventure 2 years ago (Please see Tianjin part 1), so I was feeling confident in our planning and excited on Tuesday, the day before we were due to depart. Coincidentally this was also Georgina’s birthday so we went out for a nice meal that evening with the only concern being what to pack. Now it had been raining throughout the day, a lot, there were some nice deep puddles here and there, a bit of lightning, nothing too serious. However when we left the restaurant it wasn’t raining, it was water falling, or as Georgina has adopted, ‘phooning’. In the 50m sprint from the door to the taxi we were drenched, absolutely soaked to the skin, not a great day to wear a crepe dress. So when we got back I duly Yahoo’d (no Google here) every variation of ‘Typhoon’, ‘Ningbo’, ‘Travel Warning’ etc. possible. Nothing was coming up, so, satisfied that this would amount to nothing more than a nuisance, I went to bed. Waking up at 5 the next morning I was filled with dread, the Thunder and Lightning was bigger and nearer, and the rain was as though someone was emptying a bucket on the city. Just as I was about to leave a crack of lightning bigger, louder and brighter than anything I’d ever experienced before went off just outside the window. It made me so nervous I had to call George to calm myself down and to persuade myself to leave the building. 

Luckily I made it out the building, only to walk down the very river esque street, I was walking along in water that was consistently up above my ankles, damp feet generally aren’t my favourite way to start a holiday. I made it to Georgina’s building and we carried on down to the taxi rank, hitting some deeper patches here and there, you know just to make sure we were appropriately sopping. We decided on a quick stop to grab some cash in case the train station was really busy. So I put my card in the machine, and instead of the normal pincode request, a message appeared, the machine beeped at me, flashed green, and the, poof, my card was gone. Just swallowed. I was without money, apart from the 800RMB in my wallet. I just walked out of the booth, turned to Georgina and said ‘My card’s gone’ and that was it, nothing to be done, it was 6:15am and our train was in 2 hours. I accepted my moneyless state with a sense of calm finality. So we carried on with our, already challenging, journey and we hadn’t even left campus yet. After a bit more wading, I was getting very jealous of the campus Geese, we arrived at the Taxi rank only to be faced with quite a few students milling around and a submerged road. Where are the Taxis I asked one of them, ‘Oh they aren’t coming at the moment because of the rain’. 

‘Ok,’ I replied, ‘Do you know how we can get to the station then, should we go get a taxi somewhere else, can we take a bus or…’. 

‘Well,’ the guy replied ‘I’m on the phone to the Taxi company and going to the station too so you can join me if you want’. 

‘Brilliant, that would be great. When’s your train?’

‘7:10.’ 

Time Check, it was 6:35 and it takes half an hour to take a taxi to the station on a normal day. 

‘Ooookkkk, so when is your taxi coming?’

‘Well there aren’t any coming.’

Right.

Ok. 

Georgina and I looked at each other despairingly, with absolutely no idea how we were going to make our train, the fully booked train, the fully booked train that only goes once a day.

‘You can get that bus over there,’ he added. 

I have never been so keen to get on a bus that we ended up running across the road to it; but it wasn’t normal running, it was that running that you do in water where you have to lift your legs up really high. So we half bounded half ran to the bus and made it on. 

You may be thinking at this point, oh it’s ok they made their bus, they’re on their way. Well so did we. We certainly enjoyed watching the confusion on the Chinese people’s faces when they got on the bus and found out it was free. Some refused to believe it and kept trying to pay. We also stared incredulously at the scenes outside the bus, cars half submerged, rivers blurring into streets and visa versa, people on e-bikes with children going to school powering through water that was up above the wheels. Is it stupid to ask about the safety of riding an electric bike through deep water? If this was the UK everything would have stopped, everywhere, and we’d all just be sitting inside watching the rolling 24 hour news cycle telling us all about how a lot of water is bad, and is leaving water marks in people’s living rooms. Our temperate climate does baby us quite a bit in the face of semi extreme weather. 

One of the shallower roads.

Ironically being on the bus was making me antsier than losing my card or not being able to get a taxi, it’s something about just sitting there not being able to do anything that stresses me out. Knowing that for better or for worse you’re on the bus and you’ll either get there or you won’t. So I was clutching my phone, following the route obsessively; wincing internally every time the bus turned off the ideal path to the station as it went along it’s torturously winding journey. Georgina on the other hand was so very, very calm, we’ve since decided that we make good travelling companions, I worry and plan and say where we need to go, she comes along and keeps me calm. Which as it turns out was very necessary on this trip.

Eventually we arrive at the station, it was 7:43, we ran into the station, still very wet. Fine, I thought, no giant out the door queues, a bunch of automatic ticket machines. We have over half an hour, that’s plenty of time! The first queue we got into was to pick up our tickets, there were about 10 people in each queue in front of each machine, however within a couple of minutes of queuing we realised that the queues were disintegrating as people were coming in from the side. A giant scrum was forming. So we moved away and decided to join the decidedly longer real human queue, at this point it was about 7:50, time was ticking by. To maximise our chances of making our train we split up, Georgina waited for a real human and I queued for the machine. After 10 minutes or so I was only a couple of people away from the front, when people started to dive in from the side. The third person to do this was a lady about 50 odd, and the two young guys in front of me obviously had no qualms letting an endless stream of people jump in front. So I kicked off slightly, the stress levels had finally reached a point which allowed me to overcome the polite British tutting. No one should jump queues! Especially how everyone kept picking up train tickets for trains that didn’t leave for 2 hours. So I made my views known on how this lady should wait like the rest of us, how my train was leaving in less than 20 minutes and Dear God could people just learn how to stand in an orderly queue and wait their turn!!!! This woman responded with a fake smile, pushed in and kept saying ‘谢谢’ (Thank You) over and over again, evidently not listening to what I just said. I was seething at this point, all I wanted to do was pick up a ticket. My mood was not improved by watching her pick up a ticket for a train that left the next day… Whilst that lady may not have heeded my outburst the two guys in front of me did, they let me go ahead and even helped me use the machine and it was all going swimmingly, relief flooded my body. Until it got to the point when you needed to put your citizen’s card on the scanner. You can’t use a passport, it has to be an ID card, because here in China they have issues with touts buying all the tickets and then selling them on. So they’ve devised a system whereby one person can only buy 5 tickets for a particular journey. Your ticket then has your name and ID number on it to make sure it isn’t bought off of a tout. This means for me as a foreigner, that I can’t use the machines, at all. Which is a new thing for me, I’ve never come across nationality specific machines before.

That was a crushing moment, as it was now 7:59, 20 minutes until train departure. I tried the Helpdesk but that didn’t open until 9:00, why not have it open all the time I don’t know, but it wasn’t helping me maintain an optimistic outlook. Fortunately we’d had the foresight to split up, so I went rejoin Georgina, however in the last 10 minutes she hadn’t even got halfway to the ticket lady. Then, a stroke of luck, at 8:00 a new ticket lady came on duty and I got my elbows out. My swooping skills honed after years of nabbing tables in full canteens and seats on full shuttle buses; we got there with a group of people but positioned ourselves so we were second to be served. The ticket collection was easy, we handed over our confirmation number, paper passports (the real ones being at the visa office) and were given our tickets. Joy, Jubilation, Relief all hit as we could finally head to the platform. However the route to the platform was not that simple, it was up the escalators, out the building, along the side of the building, back into the building and into the security queue. First the ID queue which was moving, but people still kept cutting in front, then security which was mercifully quick. eventually we had reached the terminal with 5 minutes before our train left.

It turns out Chinese train terminals sit above the middle of platforms, so you have a choice as to which end of the platform you want to walk down to. In our haste we went to the wrong end, not realising the right gate was on our tickets, and as we were carriage 15 we then ended up walking back along the length of the entire platform. But, we made it. We made our train!!!! We were very soggy, shattered and confused and it wasn’t 8:19 in the morning, but that didn’t matter because we had a 24 hour train journey in front of us to recuperate. 

We’d bought hard sleeper, which meant 6 beds per ‘alcove’, 3 bunks on each side and open to the carriage, unfortunately we were top and middle bunks without enough headspace to sit vertically at any point on the journey. 

It did mean that the bags were out of reach in case anyone wanted to steal anything. Bedding is provided but I used my towel as a protective layer between it and myself, it did look clean but you can never be too sure and communal pillows aren’t something which I can say I’m a fan of. The bunk next to you is less than an arms length away, so it all feels a tad cramped. There was aircon but it was right next to my face and covered in fluff and grey matter, I fully expected to contract some respiratory diseases from it. After trading our tickets for on train cards, leaving our boots out to dry, realising all our stuff in our bags was nice and damp and being very confused about the music filling the carriage (it did that for 15 minutes after every stop) , we had a well deserved nap. 

Bird's eye View

The rest of the day passed with us watching Lord of the Rings, then napping then watching a bit more. Fortunately the middle bunk opposite was unoccupied so we could stretch our legs out onto it. We’d watch for as long as possible until the inability to sit up straight took it’s toll so we’d go to lie on our separate bunks and stretch out all the kinks. Food wise it was mainly snacks and ramen noodles made with the boiling water dispenser at the end of the carriage. The facilities were ok, 2 Chinese toilets and a sink room. The train stopped about once an hour and each stop would be for at least 10 minutes, normally more like 20, up to 30 minutes. Which just seems excessive, so there are hot food sellers that come on the trains, and snack outlets on the platforms. They must be so shocked when they come to England and it’s just on and off, no hanging around. Though I would like to say if you just shaved 5/10 minutes off each stop we would save at least 3 hours or so. Just saying. Our bunkmates were an old couple and a lady in her 30s. The old couple did not stop eating for the whole journey, ramen noodles, chicken feet, sunflower seeds, fruit, nuts you name it I can promise you they ate it. The husband only stopped eating to start smoking, which is bad enough in itself when sharing a small space, but he was smoking those thick tar cigarettes. The ones with noxious clouds that, if this was a cartoon, would have evil chuckles as they smothered daisies and choked baby birds. The other lady spent the entire day on her phone and apparently really enjoyed taking pictures of us, however quickly ducked out when I reciprocated!

There were food sellers that came along with fruit, snacks and drinks; and a guy selling portable phone chargers, which we eventually bought as my phone was the only that actually worked and we figured we might need it on the other side. In the evening we drew much attention by sitting in the aisle and playing cards. 

We bought the most horrific dinner, a nice vegetable section, coupled with super spicy chillies and fake sausage meat. Needless to say only the rice really got eaten. 

Yuck.

We were also really thirsty because the drinks guy hadn’t been down in a while so when he arrived we got a bit excited and Georgina accidentally sprayed me and a little girl on the bed next to us with a bit of coke fizz. Fortunately I took the brunt of it, but that little girl was not impressed. 

Lights out was at 10, and the carriage quietened down into sleep, apart from us, because we’d just started the Two Towers. Eventually though we did settle down to sleep, it was only then that I realised the train wasn’t moving. It was stopped for about an hour and I couldn’t sleep until it started again. The train stopped about once an hour and each stop would be for at least 10 minutes, normally more like 20, up to 30 minutes. Which just seems excessive, so there are hot food sellers that come on the trains, and snack outlets on the platforms. They must be so shocked when they come to England and it’s just on and off, no hanging around. Though I would like to say if you just shaved 5/10 minutes off each stop we would save at least 3 hours or so. Just saying.

We arrived in Guilin at 8:33 on the Thursday morning, and as we were walking down the platform got talking to a couple of Dutch girls who were travelling around the region. It’s weird how you start talking to someone just because you have this roughly shared cultural history and same coloured hair. What was even funnier was the taxi man that they’d booked who shouted at Georgina and I repeatedly because he thought we were them, he couldn’t believe that there were more than two Westerners on the train.

We found our bus, no.100, and squiqged ourselves in, as it was October 1st, which is National Day celebrating the formation of the PRC. I was counting the stops, but when we got off we were 2 further up than we should have been, because the stop map on the bus and at the stops differed. So at some point they changed the route, just not the map on the bus… Great work China. After a bit of a walk, which involved getting quite lost in an underground market that you had to walk through to cross the road; and getting confused by directions that said it’s ‘just’ on the left, by which they mean it’s on the left a kilometre down the road! Not that I was feeling tired or grouchy at this point at all. We finally reached our hostel, where we could shower and rid ourselves of our damp icky Typhoon/24 hour train journey clothes and actually start our holiday.

P.S. Credit to Georgina for the title :)