My absolute favourite place in this city is definitely not Chinese....

So on Monday I discovered what instantly became my favourite place. It's called 'The Bookworm' and its this cute little bookshop/library/cafe/restaurant/bar. I came in search of an English Breakfast, the first since I'd departed my darling country, but instead discovered (in a really cliched way) somewhere I could actually relax. I literally felt all of my anxiety slip away, seriously I felt about a stone lighter.

I had a relatively mediocre brunch but quite frankly it tasted like the best thing I have ever eaten. Followed by an awesome hot chocolate, which was completely necessary as it was cold and rainy. I whiled away a good four or five hours perusing the shelves, reading the paper, blogging. Essentially nothing that required me to think about the that I was living in China.

It had potatoes and onions. Weird.

This brings me to something that has been on my mind for quite a while now, the integration of foreigners in China. I want to make it clear that I am not in any way making a sweeping generalisation about everyone who has come to live in China for a significant period of time. Nor am I trying to attack anyone who lives here. But. There are people who live and work here without having to use a single piece of Chinese in their daily lives. In fact some people are genuinely surprised when I say I'm here to learn Chinese, and then I say I live with a family, and then I say where I live and they move from surprised to shocked. That's because they live in the bubble that is Eastern Beijing (ironically) where everything is Western. In China yes, you don't forget that, but essentially you are back in the English speaking world. They may not have Nutella, and they may sell L

ays instead of Walkers, but you can even buy whiskers cat food or a pack of Tyrrells.

Yes I bought both packs... Yes I ate them all within 4 days... I'm not proud.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that two things about this arrangement frustrate me; first of all we complain when people come to our countries and don't speak the language. I mean we are serious hypocrites. Secondly, that these people come to China, but don't experience it. They live not quite in the West and not quite in China. Just a weirdly blended culture. They don't understand the social etiquette, the real standard of living here, or the language. They are missing out on so much.

What worries me more than that though is how easily I can feel myself slipping into that world. I am just so wired, self conscious and stressed here all the time. Walking out of the apartment can feel like a mission some days. Purely because I feel so odd. Even the family can make me uncomfortable when they laugh at the weird English girl who puts milk in her Cheerios, or spreads the freezing cold butter on her bread - they don't have an oven or toaster. Also their eating habits are atrocious. everyone over here slurps their food, smacks their lips, talks with food in their mouth, burps, farts and chews so loudly sometimes I just want to scream. With 5 people round the table I can barely hear myself think.

I get why people gravitate towards the western area, it makes you feel slightly less alien. When I said that I felt lighter walking into the Bookworm I wasn't joking, I felt calm and relaxed for the first time in a long time. I would actually rank Monday as the best day of this week. Evelina met me later we went and bought Heinekens and drank them on the street, joking that we were Chinese now. Then we went for cocktails and pizza followed by meeting up with some foreign students in our favourite bar. Which is funnily enough in the heart of Sanlitun.

Good mojito though!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that despite the fact that I love living in China, and am fascinated by its people and culture; sometimes I want nothing more than to be sitting in England working my way through a Sunday roast.